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[dropcap1]I[/dropcap1]t’s been 2 months, 25 days, and 20 hours since our little angel left us for heaven. I am confident to say to he is in good hands and in a good place right now because he was a very good boy ever since he was just a small embryo in his mommy’s womb. He did not give any problems to both of us, his parents, during my wife’s pregnancy until the day he was born. Imagine that my wife only had about 2 hours of labor while others take a day or even more before the baby comes out. It was just unfortunate that perhaps because of his eagerness to come out and meet us led to that accident. He fought hard, very very hard but his fragile body cannot withstand the infection and finally gave in at around 4:00 PM (local time) on the 16th of May, 2010. Just a day before my birthday.

Now, we still mourn for him. My mother do not even want me to talk about baby Jon Felippe with her. She said she would still cry every time she remembers her first grandson inside his small coffin. As a young couple, this tragedy left a wound in our hearts that I am not sure when it will heal. Or, will it ever heal at all? Everyday, we struggle to accept that he is gone but it seems like the harder we try, the more it hurts. We to talk to him through his pictures before we leave for work, when get home and before we sleep hoping that he can hear us. Hoping that he would know how his mommy and daddy loves him so much. What hurts me more is when my wife talks to him, even though she is smiling but I can see in her eyes the feeling of great sorrow, pain and regret. She was blaming herself for what happened. She said she should have known that baby Jon is struggling in his way out. But I am always telling her that it was nobody’s fault. Though it tears me apart everytime I see her cry and mourn for our baby, I need to be strong for her. I need to be always by her side. And it hurts the most knowing that we will not be able to witness his first word nor his first step. I cannot even buy his first basketball nor his first cap.

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It might be hard to accept that baby Jon is gone but we have too. He may no longer be able to spend his growing up years with us but he will always be kept in our hearts. However, deep down inside, I still keep on asking for him to come back.

“The pain never really goes away. You just get used to it.”